Monday, July 12, 2004

Andrew Olexander

What is this man’s crime, exactly? Is drink (and/or other forms of intoxication) driving worse if one does it after (i) a dance party, (ii) an inner-city dance party, or only (iii) an all-night inner-city dance party? (The Australian's report definitely suggests the latter, but also appears open to the former two adding to one’s culpability otherwise.)

Now if Olexander has been wearing PVC hotpants at the time, that would go to culpability. For the record, though, he was wearing a suit. Also for the record, I’m pretty sure that I was the last Australian poof in captivity to be recorded wearing PVC hotpants (yellow; Melbourne Docks; NYE 1996).

Curiously enough, while most of today’s newspaper reports do make specific mention of Olexander’s sexuality – apropos of nothing, as far as I can see, unless he was driving “on the job” (which he clearly wasn’t) – the tabloid Herald-Sun is quite shy about this colourful detail. In its five separate stories on Olexander’s smash’n’pile-up, there is a only a single reference to the guy’s “flamboyant lifestyle”.

All I can say is that if Olexander’s being suited and drving home alone at 5 a.m. after an unspecified social event/function, amounts to a “flamboyant lifestyle”, then it’s about time I brought my yellow hotpants out of retirement. Be afraid, Melbourne, be very afraid – when fashion crimes are commited under the influence, no one and nothing is safe.

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