Sunday, September 14, 2003
Get your forms – and marriage proposals – in quick
With next Friday being the final day for applications for the Mature Age Allowance and Partner Allowance, it’s going to be a busy week at Centrelink. While the former allowance is only available to a fairly narrow, pre-pension-age range, the latter is a cradle-snatcher’s charter, at least for those born on/before 1 July 1955. All that you single, 48 y.o. + boomers who are seeking both early retirement and a pert bed-thang need to do to get almost no-questions-asked welfare is to hitch up with a current, not too rich welfare recipient of at least 21 years old. But hurry!
And yes, I myself am currently single and otherwise eligible – in fact with no assets and no super – so if you’ve got a million dollar+ house (assets test exempt) and at least a few hundred grand in super (also assets test exempt), I am happy – pathetically so, in fact – to entertain your immediate offer. I can’t promise that I’ll give you too much under-the-doona action, but the good news is that you should be able to afford to buy it once-weekly at a decent brothel, what with the extra $350 a fortnight that partnering me simpliciter will bring into your cheque account.
I’m dreamin’, of course. It not that mid-fifties baby boomers aren’t callous, greedy fucks who would do almost anything to squeeze the last remaining drops out of a social security system based on a social contract – aka actually tiding people through economic hardship*. Nor that, in my late thirties, I am not a “good” actuarial risk for remaining unemployed for a solid few years – long enough for my erstwhile partner’s age pension to kick in, so making the partnership then redundant for them, in a dollars-and-cents sense. Rather, it is unlikely that any boomer who took up my proposal could actually live with themselves in the aftermath – true, they were getting something for nothing, but I would be getting to live rent-free in their swanky pad. Like I owned it or something! And we can’t have Gen Xrs with (even temporary) illusions of financial (or job) security, can we?
* A system that provides rorts for the old and affluent, and punishment for the rest, is self-evidently designed to crash, so taking down all idea of the social contract with it.
With next Friday being the final day for applications for the Mature Age Allowance and Partner Allowance, it’s going to be a busy week at Centrelink. While the former allowance is only available to a fairly narrow, pre-pension-age range, the latter is a cradle-snatcher’s charter, at least for those born on/before 1 July 1955. All that you single, 48 y.o. + boomers who are seeking both early retirement and a pert bed-thang need to do to get almost no-questions-asked welfare is to hitch up with a current, not too rich welfare recipient of at least 21 years old. But hurry!
And yes, I myself am currently single and otherwise eligible – in fact with no assets and no super – so if you’ve got a million dollar+ house (assets test exempt) and at least a few hundred grand in super (also assets test exempt), I am happy – pathetically so, in fact – to entertain your immediate offer. I can’t promise that I’ll give you too much under-the-doona action, but the good news is that you should be able to afford to buy it once-weekly at a decent brothel, what with the extra $350 a fortnight that partnering me simpliciter will bring into your cheque account.
I’m dreamin’, of course. It not that mid-fifties baby boomers aren’t callous, greedy fucks who would do almost anything to squeeze the last remaining drops out of a social security system based on a social contract – aka actually tiding people through economic hardship*. Nor that, in my late thirties, I am not a “good” actuarial risk for remaining unemployed for a solid few years – long enough for my erstwhile partner’s age pension to kick in, so making the partnership then redundant for them, in a dollars-and-cents sense. Rather, it is unlikely that any boomer who took up my proposal could actually live with themselves in the aftermath – true, they were getting something for nothing, but I would be getting to live rent-free in their swanky pad. Like I owned it or something! And we can’t have Gen Xrs with (even temporary) illusions of financial (or job) security, can we?
* A system that provides rorts for the old and affluent, and punishment for the rest, is self-evidently designed to crash, so taking down all idea of the social contract with it.
