Tuesday, August 19, 2003

The blatherings of Captain Obvious, Edward de Bono

Following the diminishing-circle cosmic pattern of a Village People tour c.2003, ideas-guru Edward de Bono seems to have last week stormed the pokie palaces of suburban Australia – or maybe not even that, The Age’s vox pop (same URL) with de Bono doesn’t plug even a single live appearance.

It’s a moot point then, which de Bono might be more embarrassed about: the quality of the venue (and audience?) if he did go on stage with his usual guru-shpiel, or the quality of his own ideas. My guess is the latter – the crap that de Bono is currently spouting forth is surely incapable of being believed by anyone, including the man himself.

Take this:

Australia, he said, was ideally placed as the headquarters for an international centre of ideas, in much the same way that the United Nations was set up in New York to help governments worldwide.

Yeah, right. But then again, with one million professionals having voted with their feet and left Oz for good, the ~200 member United Nations model just might work. Allow (strictly) one idea per sentient Australian, and all 200 of them can then be summonsed to a grand building specially constructed (in Canberra, of course), wherein they can then endlessly “exchange” “their” ideas, meaning haggle and horsetrade while making strenuously sure nothing ever gets implemented.

But wait – de Bono can, and does, get dumber still:

You have China on your doorstep with wages of $100 a month.

You don’t say! Who would have ever guessed that wages in China are a pittance? With hot insider information like that, Mr de Bono, you should in fact be more careful in future, so you don’t do your own good self out of a job. See, the thing is that there are about 100m Chinese middle class, all saying how dirt-cheaply their country’s workers can be bought for – and, get this – saying so for free!!

How dare they undercut you, Mr de Bono – don’t worry, though; I’m on your side! I won’t tell anyone that the global par price for your worthy advice is absolutely, sweet fuckin zilch! Not a single soul, I promise!

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